dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my poor anus
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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