Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
