I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
