Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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