On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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