You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
