We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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