At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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