Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
