Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
