i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
