I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
