i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
