Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
