I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I did not marry a roomba.
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