Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
