i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
