I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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