it was like eating out sand paper
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
