Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
