literally had 100 drinks last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
