i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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