What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
