First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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