I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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