his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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