Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
