On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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