I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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