a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
