Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
