Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
