when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
