Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
