If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i drank out of a bidet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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