Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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