I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
