shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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