i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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