First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
