Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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