Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
