Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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