ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
