Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
