Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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