we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
