I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
