How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
