I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
